Worried.

I am really pretty worried right now. I'm worried about my marriage. I knew that four years of trying to conceive had taken it's toll, but I really didn't realize just how much. We had a real big arguement the other day (I think I mentioned it here) and things have been pretty intense ever since. We both said things that we had been thinking or feeling but not saying. Because they can out in a moment of anger though, they were not sugar coated or gently worded. Instead they came out harse and hateful. The came out with more force than neccesary and full of venom. I'm not sure how to move past this. Matt seems fine now. He said what was on his mind, he heard what was on mine and he's over it. I don't know how to get to that point though. The things that he said, while he now says he didn't mean quite that way, cut me to the core. I don't know if I can heal.

I love my husband. I really do, but I don't know how to live with realizing that he feels the way he does about some of the things that ...........ugh. I know I am being very vague, but I don't want to put it all out there and then regret it in the future. The worst part of all of this is that I have tried to tell him how upset I am, but he thinks it's unreasonable that I am upset at all! Maybe it's partially about the differences in the way that men and women process and think and feel and whatnot. I also think part of it is just that he doesn't realize how bad he has hurt me. Even though I try to tell him, I don't think he realizes.

I hope that we are able to move on from this. I really want us to be okay again. I just don't know how to "fix" this or move on from it.