Not sure where to turn

I don't know where to turn to next. I had hoped that maybe the kids coming home would easy some of the tension here. I thought that maybe the stress of them being gone and worrying about them was making things worse. The got home on Saturday and unfortunately things just see to be getting progressively worse. Matt doesn't seem at all happy with our life anymore. He doesn't seem to understand that I want to try to better our situation for our family. He seems perfectly satisfied with just having enough to eat even if that means that we have to spend the rest of our lives working night and day and never being able to enjoy life.

I guess that really shouldn't surprise me much. I am beginning to realize that he wants much different things out of life than what I want. He is content sitting at home doing nothing, going nowhere, just watching life pass us by. I feel like we are in our 90's or something. I don't enjoy this. I want to travel. I want to see and do things. I am not satisfied with spending the rest of my life in this sleepy little town. I could settle for that if I could be a stay at home mom. If I could just spend my days raising my family and taking care of my house. I would love to stay home and have babies and raise a garden do all that. I know that. He doesn't want me to stay at home though. He wants me to work too, and I am not happy in some minimum wage job where I get no respect whatsoever.

My job makes me miserable. I seriously get no respect from anyone. I have been passed over for a promotion to assistant manager twice. I've just applied for that again, but I don't expect anything different. The high school kids think it is hilarious that I am 30 and most of them are making more than I am. The customers treat me like I am something they would scrape off of the bottom of their shoe. No one stops to ask what the circumstances were that brought me to this point. They just see a 30 year old working nights for minimum wage, and they assume that I am lazy or a failure.

We are like two rams, butting heads and neither of us giving an inch. The kids have noticed the tension too. They haven't said anything, but I know they can feel it. Each day it seems worse than the one before. I don't have anyone to talk to. I can't talk to my mom. While we are doing better than we have in years, our relationship is a fragile one and I don't want to damage it beyond repair. The only people I know here are either his friends or family or people that I work with. They are mostly high school kids who wouldn't even begin to understand.

I think if I had even one adult friend who I could trust in this area it would make things much easier, but I don't have anyone. I really have no idea what to do or where to turn at this point.