Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Why so stinky? Why so disgusting?

Why is it that with a boy, stinky or disgusting equals cool?

If that question alone hasn't warned you, this post is going to be about some rather stinky, unpleasant, not so polite things.

My son is nearly ten years old. When I had my son I once made the comment that I would now get to see the other side of things. I was promptly told ny a few people that there is no difference between raising boys and raising girls. I can tell you that those people either raised all boys or all girls. Anyone who has had both will tell you there is a BIG difference.

Today, I was reminded of some of those differences. We had to run out today to pick up some essentials (butt paper and toothpaste) some none-essentials (hair ties, a quick easy meal for dinner, and a new telephone because the kids "can't hear" the phone when I try to call home) and school supplies (for Matt and I. The semester starts Jan. 10th!). Because WalMart is a one stop shop for all these items, and because I live quite literally in the middle of nowhere, we chose to stop there.

First, can I say that boys...... and men for that matter..... seem to lose brain cells when they enter WalMart. They instantly begin acting completely stupid and trying to see how badly they can embarass the females that are with them. Now, I have closely observed this behavior on multiple occasions and after observing other people in WalMart I can tell you this only happens if the male is shopping with a female. If he is alone or with one or more other males, he behaves in a mostly sane manner.

While my boys (my son and my hubby) did survive the trip to WalMart, (I will admit that during a moment of insanity, while trying on new shoes, I may have thrown my shoe at my husband because of his INSANE behavior), we did all escape the store in one peice. Barely.

As we wrapped up our shopping trip I glanced at the clock and realized that it was well past lunchtime, so we went to a nearby Taco Bell for Taco Tuesday. WOOT! My favorite! After a quick, late lunch we are headed home. As we are cruising down I-35, it happened. Well, several things actually. They all occured within split a few milliseconds. I was passing a semi when my daughter half screamed, half groaned "DISGUSTING", my son burst into laughter, and a smell strong enough to make me gag hit my nostrils.
I quickly started rolling down my window, ignoring the fact that it was in the mid 20's and I had no coat on.

Sierra and I were horrified, Will was proudly proclaiming "THAT CAME OUTTA MY BUTT!!!", and Matt was turning to high-five him. *shakes head and shrugs* MEN!

I thought my disgusting reminders of the difference between girls and boys was over but I was mistaken. Just a few minutes ago Will came back into the living room and said "Hey sis, do you really think Taco Bell's FIRE sauce is too hot to eat?" She nodded and he said, "Yeah, well you should feel it coming through the other end! That poop BURNED!!!" Then both of my boys were once again doubled over in laughter as Sierra and I were left asking the question, "WHY?"

Why do boys really find things that are so disgusting to be so cool? And in case you are wondering, no, they don't outgrow this. I witnessed proof of that when my husband came running out of the bathroom yesterday screaming. "You have got to come look at this! That is one HUGE poop! Seriously, come here!"

I refused, and realized that one day my son is going to do this same thing to his wife too. The poor woman!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Sometimes people just suck!

Sometimes people just suck. Sometimes I really don't like people.

On Christmas Day, someone made a mean and hateful comment to me. Someone who is supposed to love me. Someone who I love. It was one of the most cruel and hateful things anyone has ever said to me.

I think those are the things that hurt the most.

Someone insinuated that my children were not quite as important as other children in the family because..... well because they aren't blood relatives. They also said that I was jealous of other members of the family because of their children. At least they stopped before saying it was because of my inability to have more children. The insinuation was there though.

This came from a person who has been there through our entire journey with infertility and pregnancy loss. This is someone who has seen how devastated we have been as we lost one pregnancy after another. Yet still, this person made hateful comments. Called my husband and I both petty and jealous.

The comments came because we told this person that my husbands brother should take responsibility of his own children. This person argued that it is EVERYONE'S responsibility to help take care of these children. I'm sorry, but no. They TRIED to get pregnant both times. While they couldn't have known that they would have twins the second time, they tried to get pregnant so that their babies were close in age. They are TRYING to get pregnant now. They don't raise the children they have and yet they are trying again. It is not my responsibility to raise the children that they refuse to raise.

To accuse me of being jealous of someone who refuses to take care of their children.... of someone who does not adore their children....... of someone who takes their children for granted...... it was worse than a slap in the face! It's not jealousy. It's disgust. I can't stand the way that some people ignore their children. I can't stand the way that some people just take their children for granted. Especially when those people are someone who have watched a family member suffer the way that Matt and I have.

Sometimes people just suck.
Sometimes I really don't like people.
I don't know how to move past this hurt.
Sometimes life just sucks.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Ugh! This just sucks!

I am really looking forward to Christmas.

Most of the time.

There are other times where I am not. Those times where I just want to stomp my feet, scream, cuss, cry, and throw a fit. Time where I am missing my babies so freaking much and I just would do absolutely anything to have them back. Times when I'm just pissed off at the universe because I just don't have my eight babies with me. Times when I get really pissed off at the fact that we can't have a baby, yet EVERYONE around me is pregnant!

Don't get me wrong...... I am always happy for people who are trying to conceive and successfully do so. I am even more happy when someone with infertility gets pregnant or when someone who suffers from recurrent pregnancy loss has a baby.

There are times though....... there are so many people who do not deserve or want to be pregnant. People who are drunks, or addicted to drugs. People who neglect their children or  just don't want to be pregnant. Why do those people get to have a baby, but we don't get too?

And even when a person wants a child, has longed for the child, and is a great parent, there are times that it hurts. I have watched many, many people start trying to conceive while I have been on this journey. More of them than I could even begin to count have gone on to have a child. Some of them have had two, or three or in one case, a girl is pregnant with her fourth child....all conceived during the time I have been waiting for a baby.

Today is one of those times.

Everywhere I look, someone is pregnant. A neighbor, a friend, a cousin, online friends. A woman at church, classmates, customers at the store, even the weather woman. And right now, that hurts. I just want a baby. I just want to be able to give my husband a child.

I love my children, but I want siblings for them, and it just isn't happening. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it might not ever happen.

That hurts too.

I can't imagine why God would give me this unbelievably strong urge for more children if I can't have more children, but at this point that is how it looks.It hurts. It pisses me off to be honest.

And the rest of the world is still pregnant.
It's not fair.
So tonight, I pout.

Monday, December 20, 2010

It's over....... and I survived!

My first semester of college is over. I was stressed out, overworked, exhausted, and there were times I thought it would NEVER be over. It is though. Finally. I not only survived, but I worked two jobs, have a family, and still maintained a 4.0!

I am really looking forward to next semester. Matt and I are going to be in classes together and lately we have been closer than ever. A lot of people have said that they wouldn't be able to spend as much time with their husband (or wife) as we are going to spend together next semester without wanting to kill the other. I realize that some of them are likely kidding, but still, that makes me sad. Some of those people aren't joking. Some of them really do not enjoy spending time with their spouse. Matt and I love to spend time together. The more time we spend together, the closer we are. Lately we have been closer than ever and we are both very much looking forward to the time we are going to be able to spend together in the coming semester. I just can't understand marrying someone that you don't want to spend as much time with as humanly possible.

For now, I am just going to try to relax and enjoy my 'vacation' while I can. My workstudy is over until next semester. Classes (and workstudy) start again January 11th.  Until then, it's just working at the store and relaxing with the family. Well, that and hosting Christmas for nearly 20 people. That is another story though!