A glimmer of hope

So maybe there is hope for my marriage after all. I saw a glimmer of it anyway. Last night Matt and I had to run to the store and I started crying on the way and told him I didn't know what was happening to us and that I didn't know how to get back to where we started but that my heart was breaking and I couldn't keep going the way that we were.  He apologized and said that he was just having a rough time and that he felt bad for taking it out on me and that he was really trying to change that.

I told him that at times I felt like he hated me and that he always seemed uphappy and that I didn't know how to fix it. He said that there is nothing I can do to fix it or to help him. He just needs time. He hasn't really had to deal with this while we have been together. Then he said he didn't want to lose me and he looked really sad and asked "I haven't lost you already, have I?" I pointed out that I was still there, and told him I didn't want to lose him either but told him we both really needed to work on some things, and that we had to do it NOW before it was too late.

It was a small step, but it's more than I have seen in a while. It has given me hope that my marriage might recover. As much as I hate to say this, I really think the birth control has been a good thing to. I have been able to relax more this week than I have in a long time. It's almost a relief to know that there isn't even a possibility that I am pregnant. It's been so stressful on me the past few years. Now I know that I can just relax and focus on school and my family. Maybe by some miracle when we do decide to start trying again we will get pregnant with no problem and finally have a healthy baby! A girl can dream anyway.