My life

Tonight, I am sitting here in silence, reflecting on my life. I am thinking about good times and bad ones. Mostly though, I am focusing on the things that I have to be thankful for. My family for one. I am so luck to have an amazing husband. As cheesy as it sounds, Matt really is my best friend. He is my soul mate. I thank God for him each and every day. I really can't ask for a better man. He goes above and beyond to take care of me and the kids. There aren't many men like him out there. I am very thankful to have found him.

Matt and I met on a dating site. I didn't believe you could really meet someone online, but a friend was joining the site and didn't want to be the only person from our area on there, so she asked me to join. I did, making jokes about it the whole time, and shortly after that, I met Matt. We did the long distance dating thing for a while, and in March of 2006 we moved in together and decided to leave the size of our family up to God.  I have two other children from my first marriage. My daughter was conceived while trying to prevent a pregnancy and my son was conceived while we weren't trying, but weren't preventing either. Because of that, I suspected we would be adding to our family very quickly. Nothing could prepare me for what was to come.

In the past (nearly) four and a half years I have been pregnant 8 times. I've had a total of 10 pregnancies in my lifetime and I have two living children. Matt and I have not had any trouble getting pregnant. The longest we've ever gone between pregnancies is 10 months. Other times only 2-3 months. On average, I am able to get pregnant every 7 or 8 months.  Our problem comes to staying pregnant. So far I haven't been so good at that.  Our most recent loss was one week ago. It has been heartbreaking to say the least.  Because of all of these problems, and because I am getting ready to return to school to become a nurse, we have decided to prevent a pregnancy from occuring. Tonight I took my first birth control pill. Over the next couple of years I will be in school full time and working part time. I will work on losing the 70 pounds or so that I have put on since high school. We are going to have some testing done to see if we can find out why we keep losing babies, and we are going to save up money. Maybe we just need an asprin a day to stay pregnant or maybe we need invitro fertilization. Only time will tell, but before we start trying to conceive again, we will be financially prepared for ANY outcome. If nothing else, we will adopt. Matt and I will expand our family one day. Until then, come along for the ride as we go through our daily life. The lives of an average family living in the midst of America's heartland.