Sunday, January 16, 2011


It's not a big secret (at least I don't think) that my faith has taken a BIG hit over the past few years. Between multiple miscarriages, my parents' divorce, the death of my father, my uncle, two of my grandmothers.... It's been a long couple of years. There have been times where I nearly gave up. I came so close to giving up completely so many times.

Today was the beginning of a change though. The beginning of a new start. We had an amazing service today. There was a message that seemed to be directed right at me. It was about how America has turned their backs on God and how we are mainly just "playing church". We talked about the scripture in Luke 18 where the bible says it would be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. We have always read that and put ourselves in the position of the poor man. We always assume that there are these rich people out there somewhere who won't make Heaven because they are not willing to give up everything for God. If you look at it from a global point though, we are the rich ones. Very few people in America can call themselves poor from a world standpoint. We are so wealthy in this country, and we have no understanding of what poor really is.

I had already decided it was time to get serious and get back to God. between services I took a nap. I tossed and turned and wasn't getting much rest. I almost decided to stay home. Instead, I woke up from a nightmare that was so realistic that I was shaking. I had dreamt about demons. The more awake I got the more I realized that I felt a dark pressence. I literally RAN out my door. I knew I HAD to get to church right away. I thought there was a demon in my house, and I started praying. I didn't know what to do other than I knew I had to get to church.

In the end, the demon wasn't in my house. A woman who everyone in the area knows is demon possessed showed up at our church tonight. She disruppted the service repeatedly and the entire congregation came together and prayed. I would love to be able to say that we prayed the demon out of her, but the fact is, we didn't. Instead, she refused our prayers and left the church. We all stayed and talked, and explained to the kids what had happened and prayed together though. It was such a powerful moment. The minute the woman entered the church I realized that the demon was there, and not in my home. I realized that I had that overwhelming urge to run because I was needed at the church, and I am glad I went.

So often, ministers give us the scriptures all sweetened with honey and a pair of rose colored glasses to view it with. The bible does not tell us that if we are Christians everything is going to be rainbows and sunshine and daisys. The scripture clearly says that we will suffer just as Christ suffered for us. There will be good times, but there will also be times where we have to battle with evil. There will be times where Satan and his evil forces come against us. We have to be reading the word, praying daily and reaching for God. We have to have faith in Him and trust Him to meet our needs.

I know I haven't been living the life that I should be. It's time for me to draw closer to God. I need to pray more, and to study the word more. I need to learn to trust him and make him number one in my life, ahead of my children and my husband even. Today was a turning point for me and my faith. I hope that everyone reading this takes that journey with me.

If you pray, please pray for my church. Wednesday is going to be a time of prayer and fasting for us. We know that as a whole, we have to draw closer to Him. Please pray for us, and if you have a need, share it with me so that we can pray for you as well.


Amanda said...

Such true words, Steph! Of course you already know my needs, I think... they haven't changed, unfortunately. Though right now, guidance is needed most. I really feel pulled toward adoption lately. I plan to post about it sometime soon on the CP board on JM.

BTW, I nominated you for an award over on my blog (! =)

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