Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Probably a mistake.......

So, I realize that this is probably just a big mistake, but I am feeling hopeful again. I usually get hurt when I allow my to feel this way, but I'm taking that chance. After all, one of my favorite quotes says:

When the world says "give up" hope whispers "try one more time".

So hope whispered, and I guess I listened. It was either try again, or give up completely. Last week I was ready to give up. I really was. Before I could though, I stumbled across a quote by Thomas Jefferson.

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."

Lately I've been at the end of my rope. I'd had the dream about the twins which really did leave me reeling. Then I had some spotting on Sunday, and I was sure AF was showing up. I couldn"t even fathom any other reason why there would be spotting. Spotting at 7dpo. The thought didn't even cross my mind. Until this morning. There hasn't been any other spotting. Ther has been some very mild crampiness. Kind of like with previous pregnancies. Today there was nausea. Just a few random waves. Gone nearly as quickly as they appeared. The flu? Possibly. Morning sickness? Could it be? Perhaps?

The spotting was just about the right time to have been implantation spotting and brief waves of nausea two days later.....it really could be. Especially since I can't stay out of the ladies room, no matter how little or how much I drink. AF is due on  Friday. I know that it is entirely possible that she will show up right on time. I know that it is even PROBABLE that she will show up. But there is this small sliver of hope that says "What if?"

I do have a $ store test in the bathroom. I am trying to decided whether to take it in the morning or if I should wait another day or two and then test. I have been testing with OPK's. I know that I ovulated when I thought I did (Jan 23), and yet my OPK's are getting darker each time. Yep.....there is that little hopeful sliver again.

So that is where I am now. I tied a knot in my rope, I hung on, I listened when hope whispered, and I am trying one more time.


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